EYN AEYNN

2012-01-28T13:50:00.000-08:00

He, who has taught me what patience is, how it can be implemented in our everyday life and how it can bring one a success. He, who has guided me to be closer to the creator and has opened up my heart to feel the true meaning of faith.

I thank Allah for his presence into my life even if it's only for a momentary.

We have gone through so much of ups and downs together. Who would have expected us to have gone till this far? Even we have never expected the coming, that time when we first met.

However our story was full of complications, full of sufferings, full of hatreds from everyone but most of all, we fear to have the same hatred from our creator too.

We are still young. Still too innocent. And we have got many things to improvise ourselves for a commitment. Let what others might say, we know we're doing this for both sake. For the love we have for each other. As irony as it may sound, letting go would be the bestest choice.

This was the picture used as part of his birthday video. Everything in there was nothing but ONLY truth. I'll keep this feeling inside of me whenever and wherever i am. Because like i have mentioned above, as long as Allah wants me to love him, i will love truly and faithfully. He may not be there by my side but will always reside there IN my heart.

"Lastly tell mummy wherever daddy at, daddy always love u guyss k" .....And again it's in the heart that matters, not time or everyday together. We never knew how future gonna be like even though fate has already been determined, only time will tell. Takecare love.

I love Shmbu. He's my happiness, the one who'll remind me of his daddy; the VERY love of my life.

Because our attraction towards each other is so strong that we cant seem to put a stop. Would there be a story version 2 between us?
.
.
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with NYP's life as the first version ^^

2012-01-23T12:33:00.000-08:00

Rasa rindu ini tidak dapat dibendung lagi. Teramat aku mengharapkan suara merdumu. Teringin sekali aku melihat kelibatmu walau hanya untuk sementara waktu. Sesungguhnya aku amat merindui.

I was shock when the dad told me about my name has already been noted down in the Singapore police force. As far as i know, i have yet to tell him about the application that i sent. I then realized that Cik Ani's younger brother, Apit was in the force. He saw my name appeared in the list. Alhamdulillah, i am shortlisted. Next is the interview. May i pass through it (:

Dad wanted me to call him regarding this. I saw him once or twice. And i was only in my year 1 while he just started the police force, if i'm not wrong. We'll see how. I need to get my line active back, halamaaak!

But i'm excited! (:

2012-01-22T20:13:00.000-08:00

i donno what lead me to this change. Maybe part of what ayah said. But that was so long ago to remember. This sudden change, still i'm not sure why. It came suddenly, like a bell ringing in my heart.

Why should i put my photos up in facebook? To let people see? To show the world? What kind of feeling will i get if i were to receive compliments? Happiness? Glad?

That was the reason why i decided to privatized all of my photos. I ain't a doll to have myself showcased.

Soon, i'll have my blog template changed.

I'm not really in a good mood. I guess, i need to have my sleep. Prolly im too tired. Morning run again tomorrow.

What is happiness to you? How does you see happiness as? That was the question i asked myself some days ago right after sending a facebook message to an acquaintance. Never thought it came out for today's topic, in which i need to have it prepared for next week's lesson.

Personally, life has taught me the feeling of enviousness, jealousy, wanting more than what i have gotten etc. Because of those feelings i felt, i never knew what happiness was. Nothing wasn't enough for me. And that had led me to some failure and disappointments in life.

That day... something happened to this acquaintance of mine; a friend of my former friend. Somehow i felt what she was feeling. The sadness, the sheer sorrows etc. Thinking back how she used to be part of my unhappiness before, i should be happy and overjoyed over her lost. But no, i didnt. Why should i? No matter what had happened before, she is still my sister in the name of religion. After sending that message, hoping that would somehow soothes her grieves, i teared thanking Allah for the happiness i felt within me. No matter what the result is, i knew i have done something for the sake of Allah. And that's happiness.

In short, if we combine life and religion together as our deen, i'm sure happiness is in our way. Because life and religion cannot be separated. And that's happiness to me.

And i pray she and everyone else would find the happiness in the midst of the sorrows or the test in life that is given, InsyaAllah. Because a test i was once given before was no doubt excruciating and i almost broke down but thank god, i have finally found happiness in it. Alhamdulillah. For nothing is given to you by Allah for nothing.

2012-01-16T23:15:00.000-08:00

True enough, doa is a muslim's weapon.

No doubt, i used to have my eyebrows threaded, despite knowing the consequences i'll get from Allah swt. It was a big sin, i knew that very well but i still went on just to beautify myself. How egoist i was towards my creator, huh? After sometimes, Alhamdulillah, i was given the opportunity to think. I decided to turn over a new leaf.

It was in the afternoon, while i was having some walking along the aisle outside Koufu, i chanced upon a beautiful girl with her brows threaded nicely. There came the desire to have it done once again. The desire that took control over my mind, my heart, my faith. I took the train instead today to drop by Bedok interchange for the threading. Somehow, on the way from yck MRT, something just went wrong with my ezilink card but i managed to enter by moving along with the crowds. Upon reaching Bedok interchange, i got to know that i had to have my ezillink topped up. I only had $10 with me at that point of time. So which means i had to withdraw my cash to spend on my brows. Strange thing was, my legs by themselves moved away from the atm machine even though it was just so near and walked home straight instead. Only then i realized that Allah has actually protected me from that sin. I cant thank Him enough. Alhamdulillah with tears running through my cheeks.

So how was project today? Well, I barely touch it. Reached school at about 10am and listened to 98.7fm. Farhan came at about 1120am and we then headed off to gym. After an hour in there, we had a round or two of running around the stadium. That was around 1:15pm we finally had a chill, taking in the fresh air. Well of cos, me and his phone, we're like besties. ahahah. oops, sorry farhan. You know when you're with me, your phone is immediately mine. heh heh :P

Today was sheer embarassing, i swear. First it was in the lift when Liyun asked if i had taken my bath and i replied her another question asking if she wanna bathe me? And when that sentence came out from my mouth, the lift immediately opened and i saw him. Jeng jeng jeng! Just hope that he didnt hear lah. hoho. And then, regarding the outing, i seriously donnoe what Hanif actually said. Hmmm, apa ini korang?! Ishk. Lol. Please No, everything from them isnt true! ahahaha. The awkwardness is about to reach the maximum level already, aiyo.

Had a cute chatting gathering with Hanif, Susanna, Liyun and Marcus. Yes, we slacked alot. According to Hanif, i'm that pure innocent girl. HAHAHA. okay, i shall take that as a compliment! (:

Wednesday gym and few rounds of running again, with Susanna this time round, yay. Demo somewhere this week and heard that it's a surprise? Ishk, i dont like. Just hope that it will be held somewhere around in the afternoon? And ouh, i had my right hand henna-ed, together with Adlin! Very niceeeee! (: Also chewy Daughnuts with Nabilah, hahahaha. We were very selekeh-ed in Koufu while having them munched, that we were terribly laughed by Cherry and Susanna, tsk! haha.

To sum up everything, apparently it seems that the last week or two of FYP turns out awesome. And that's when i'm leaving soon. How saaaad! -.-

And i miss my little kitun already. Very much (:

Ouh, hopefully most of them can make it to USS trip on the 22nd Feb! God willing (:

2012-01-15T11:05:00.000-08:00

As much as other girls are obsessed with having small slim body, i'm obsessed with big muscular ones, just like Xena the warrior princess((: She's the all time idol ever since young. Maybe because i inherited more of my dad's genes. But then again, i wish i had obtained his scientific/intellectual thinking too. hais.

Suggestions to where i can buy an affordable punching bag? (:

Anyway, i read back the previous entry. And i found myself being very emotional, no doubt it was true. I cried buckets. But Alhamdulillah, after helping ibu out with Nasi ayam dishes and watching Rambo 3 with the family while having dinner (yes, that time round, it was with the family watching action packs and believe it, ayah loosen up the 'eating' discipline! haha eat while watching), I felt better. Surprisingly i felt relieved, as though i'm handing in everything to Allah swt. And that, i dont need to feel anything, any sadness or whatnots. Glad that i did (:

Now, all that in my head is my fitness. I'm obsessed with muscles and strengths (: Such obsessions actually pissed the little sister off. ahahaha. Because every night she'll go through difficulties in her sleeep as i'll be training with my dumbbells and all with lights on and music in the background. Hoho. Ayah wanted to have a punching bag placed at home, i cant wait (:

2012-01-14T18:04:00.000-08:00

I lost it once. I threw them all. Each and every single thing of them. Those were my life. I was then told that we couldnt go home together because his parents wanted him to be home early and that, he needed the help of his friend to drive him home. At that point of time, i questioned life why must it always be that way? Why does situation have to be so evil to have always push us apart? I was heart broken. So i threw those things away, to let the situation win. Isnt that what it wants? - My perception at that point of time.

After a while, i tried to let loose of that negative perception. We got back in contact but only for a moment before we led our own life alone. For weeks, we led life without the presence of each other. Until one day, i received a surprised bowl of tom yam noodle, with a note written on it, "Salam sayang, salam rindu, salamualaikum" The moment i got it from Juvin, instantly i went out of the lab running, trying to catch a glimpse of his presence, even if it's only from a distance..... but by then he was already out of sight. I kept the tom yam bowl of noodle, putting up a note saying, "DONT TOUCH". Because i thought of having it the moment i reach 21, to feel his presence even if he's not there. That bowl of noodle was always with me, in my hands whenever i'm at home. Even when i was watching movies with the dad.

But today, this morning, it went missing. I was going crazy, i cried... i went berserk knowing that it wasnt thereee! I donno what to do next. Granddad and the uncle helped me out to locate it but still, no where can be found. Waited for the parents to reach home. They helped me too, especially the dad, helped me to find it the whole house. But still.. GOODNESS. just where it is?! The parents, they really know how important and special it is to me. Thus, they bought me a big packet of ferero roche to ease my sadness, but then again, it cannot be compared to that! Nothing can ever be compared to that!

Well i guess, situation just dont want to see happiness between us yet again. I guess this time round, i really have to put a stop and let go. Because it has always been like this. Situation after situation as the main problem. Even no matter how i tried to persevere and no matter how i tried not to give up, situation will still take the lead.

So that's it for now. No more. No more now, no more later and no more forever. i have already lost the hope, all hope between me and him because of situation! And i cannot take it any longer! Enough for now!

The parents and Cik Yati are still investigating this matter.

2012-01-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

No i'm not angry with them. But i'm angry with myself for not taking care of it well enough. I thought putting it in the kitchen wont do it any harm. But today it went missing. Took around an hour to find it but still it couldnt be found. Tried calling the mum but it was to no avail. I was already about to explode but i tried to calm down that i cried real bad. If only they knew how much IT means to me!! aaaghhh! It means ALOT to me!

Just wish that it is still there somewhere in the house UNTOUCHED!!

2012-01-13T07:45:00.000-08:00

Freeee food for lunch. At first i was hesitating to eat upon seeing those food. I wasnt sure if they were halal. Finally after having the evidence shown..... well of cos, how can we not take the food? heh heh. It wasnt for us. But one of the supervisors directed us to go down LTN1 to fill our tummy. So yeap. Embarrassed to the upper maximum but the four of us just went on with our 'hunting'. Hehs.

So how was presentation yesterday? It was......... good. It went well. Alhamdulillah. And because of presentation day, many things happened. From happy moments, to embarrassed moments to.... relief moments..... heh. The embarrassing part, the credit goes to, as always, none other than Hanif, Liyun and Susanna. Haaaais. Shan't talk about that, lol. heh.

FYP is ending in 2 weeks time. As much as i wanted it to finish fast, i'm beginning to dread it now. I'm gonna miss this batch. Especially my lab mates. Our forever nonsense. Our 'secondary school' moments. Those.. "i like him!! ahhhh! he's theree!! ahhhh. blush blush. let's go and peeep! ahhhh" and... "If you never sign for me, i tell him you like him! i tell him ahhh" Hhahhaha. simply cute! So, is this how tertiary students behave? hahaha.

20-30 pages report is to be handed in by the end of FYP week, which means..... on my BIRTHDAY! ahahah (: okay, such redundance.

Watched Rambo 1 and Rambo 2 with Ayah this evening. Gosh, it was awesome. I have never watched them before. And ayah on the other hand was bugging me to watch them, in which now then i know the reason why. Seriously AWESOME! Such action pact really hype me up. Heh. Now we are left with Rambo 3, 4 and 5 (: And to those who loves this kind of movies, do have them watched!

p/s: True that 91800 is uncontactable (:

2012-01-11T07:23:00.000-08:00

Presentation tomorrow. And i donno how's everything going to be like. I'm scared. Afraid. Excited. Thanks to the lab mates for hearing me out. Especially................ ah, till the next time round (: Haha.

i missed the napfa again. I know i can do better this time round. I was waiting for today to give my all. But then again, i decided to withdraw. I went home straight instead. Well, i never regretted it, even though i do felt a little. I have my reasons.

Anyway, i HAVE FINALLY RECEIVED THE EMAIL, stating that i was accepted into that course and school! Yeaaaay! Alhamdulillah (:

Received a messaged from Yvonne. Gosh, i neeed some free quality time for myself! Guess i have to start back from Monday onwards (: But i'm not sure whether to have it during the day or in the afternoon? Oh well..

Pain will go away by the minute, but the scar will forever be there through the moments you live. I have big dreams once before, about years time that is. But everything has changed. They were but just beautiful memories.

Okay, i still want my photos from Hanif's phone! Heh, seriously i love his phone. Been playing with it as though it's mine, heh heh.

Presentation tomorrow? What again? Argh.

Jagalah hati, tundukkan pandangan.. kerana ia... oh sungguh mempersonakan, bagaikan panah menikam sukma (:

2012-01-11T01:53:00.000-08:00

I have been searching for such courses ever since years ago. I had the good opportunity once. I just need to complete another 2 more years before i could enter the big dip programme. But i threw away those chances. I put it a quit with the reason to concentrate on my 2007 olevel. Received a great scolding from the dad and i even had a slight tiff with him. I missed attending those lessons, especially trying very hard to understand those topics the night before quizzes, that i had to drag ayah to burn the midnight oil together with me just to get me understand. And not forgetting with the handsome/charming pretty boy as the teacher. Gosh, he was very young to be called as one, especially having to teach the standard i was in. He was around 23 when i was 16? (:

And now, sad to say, most of the things that i had learnt were all just but memories even though some are still at the back of my mind. Finally today while i was surfing the net, that wondrously amazing page caught my attention. And aaaaaahhh, i can't be more thankful. Registered the programme straight away. InsyaAllah i'll get to where i wanted. Nah, the parents have not been informed. Soon perhaps, which means everything will be on my expenses then (:

Because i believe when you put in your hard earn, you'll put in your hardest efforts too, no matter how challenging the road might get, you'll stay through fighting till the end.

Okaaaay, attachment please come FAST! (:

2012-01-10T08:02:00.000-08:00

Alhamdulillah, after weeks of stressing and days of crying, i could finally see the ray of light. It was totally dimmed days before. I remembered how tensed i was yesterday inside the lab that i don't even notice anyone or anything at all. And just this morning when i was in the toilet, getting ready for school, i broke down and i cried. Okay, that was the maximum heat. I couldnt take it no more but i still drag myself to school. Luckily i did. Finally met up with the supervisor at around 2pm, after a month of not 'contacting'. Goodness, so imagine me doing everything on my own, waiting for my thing to get fabricated since i was told that i had to wait for my 12 weeks partner (hear this, 12 weeks). Eventually, it was said that i need not have to fabricate because it was already too late. Goodness.

When that day i was told that i had to wait for my 12 week partner, instantly many things came running through my head. How can i wait and fabricate the same time as my partner when she'll be only in week 6 while i'll be in my week 13. But i thought, perhaps she could speed up with her work but i was in doubt though. Ended up, my instinct was right.

And then just today, i got to know that if there were any fabrications needed to be done, school will allow ONLY ONE, because of financial wise. How budget can that be! Luckily it wont really affect my grade. Thank god, i felt better when the supervisor mentioned that i'm doing fine and the task of achieving the bandwidth wasn't easy but i managed to (okay i did it on my own! because i was ignored by him for the entire month!). And to top it up, my project was actually my supervisor's project during his NTU days -.-

Thursday, the last day of presentation in schoooool~

2012-01-08T11:28:00.000-08:00

Tears welded up as i read this, from 'Jihad Cinta'. It has been my companion each time i feel a little lonely. The articles/notes/advices are really motivating and encouraging. Good thing that it is there in facebook (:

Very touchin, i almost cried. But i did, a little. heh (:

Kisah Suami Isteri

Suami : Kalau diberi pilihan untuk siapa mati dulu, awak rasa siapa yg patut mati dulu ?
Isteri : Saya harap abang mati dulu .
Suami : Sampai hati awak kan?? saya sengaja nak menguji awak sama ada betul2 sayangkan saya atau tak . :'(
Isteri : Abang tak nak tahu kenapa saya harap abang mati dulu ?
Suami : Tak perlu nak jelaskan. Dah terbukti awak tak sayangkan saya lagi dah, bila saya mati awak akan cepat2 cari yang baru !
Isteri : Hmm , cara abang fikir tu salah sayang .. :)
Suami : Apa yang salah pulak ???
Isteri : Saya harap abang pergi dulu sebab saya tak sanggup nak tengok abang sedih bila saya dah tiada nanti. Kalau abang yang pergi dulu, saya nk sedekahkan al-fatihah kat abang tiap2 hari supaya abang tenang di sana. Dan saya nk doa hari2 supaya dapat bertemu dengan abang semula di syurga..insyaAllah. :')
Suami : (terdiam ) ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥

Allah MENGUJI kita dengan sesuatu yang amat kita SAYANG,

Namun, kita diberi cubaan dengan KEHILANGAN..

Allah menguji kita dengan sebuah IMPIAN yang amat kita HARAPKAN,

Tapi, kita terduduk berlinang airmata saat impian KECUNDANG..

Sesungguhnya Dia lah pemberi segala, kerana segalanya kepunyaanNya.

Saat ditariknya NIKMAT yang ada, Dia sedang mengaturkan untukmu sesuatu yang lebih BERHARGA.. InsyaAllah.

Jangan BERSEDIH kerana dunia ini tidak layak untuk ditangisi...

2012-01-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

C3 nokia phone isnt that bad afterall. The wifi connection is much better than iphone. Yeah, currently am using that temporarily. As for the iphone, still using it... FOR PLAYING GAMES. ahhaha. I donwant to see any bills coming up to me in the coming month so yeah, have to chuck it somewhere my hand couldnt reach, not until midnight, just for checking. haha. But really, i'm loving my new temporary phone (: The pink one. ooo. :b

I'm not sure if that bonia wallet still exists. That reddish black which used to cost a bomb but it was only $69 when i saw it few weeks ago. Oh well, dream on. I don't know why but bonia, they just have this thing that excites me alot and i mean ALOT, despite how much insults i received saying that the brand is for the makciks makciks. Hello, to me it's EVERGREEN. No matter how many more new brands are gonna take the place, still Bonia will always have my heart :b

Heading off to work in the afternoon. Not sure if i'm able to meet those sweethearts(Fyera&bf, Dee&bf) at Parkway Parade before walking my way to MPPL. We'll see how it goes. But i miss them very much.

Im beginning to accept and be much thankful with the things that had happened. Sometimes you need to get hurt in order to grow up. Sometimes you need to learn how to accept things willingly in order to be strong. And i believe very much, everything happens for a reason. Can't deny that i used to be like a fish struggling to live with the pool of water being taken away from it. Alhamdulillah now, i can very much say that i'm so much stable (:

Not sure if i wanna post my twitter here like how i did in my previous 2/3 blogs. Presentation on Thurs. But still, i find that everything is unfair, very much unfair to me. Hais. No, not about the presentation. But........ ah, nevermind.

2012-01-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

FYP is a little disaster now. But InsyaAllah, I'll be strong enough to go through this. 20 days more and that's it. But really, it's darn unfair and i'm not satisfied at all with it. But again, there's nothing i can do.

However, the evening turned out much better with the presence of those girls. We were like soon-to-be freshies attending the open house. We played racing cars, stick man dance and more. Heh. Guess what? ECC has a new specialization, which is similar to Live audio Woo. How cool. Made our way back home at around 10 plus? As usual, my hp couldnt be contacted. I'm not using 918 that much. It's the new prepaid number for now, perhaps till Feb after renewing the contract with new number, yay! (:

But having to have the picture with these two sweeties was the best thing ever happened yesterday. It has been so long! And i missed their companionship very much. They're the forever friends to keep and cherished above everything (:

I saw her from a distance with the boy. They sat together which i'm not really sure if they were entertained by the stage performance. Because for all that i could infer was many wild things that were running through their minds, especially the boy. The girl however tried to breeze the environment, hoping everything would be good. She seems to be a very nice girl. Small and petite. I love her style, the way how she put on her scarf. I would love to get to know her in person. Her story reminds me of my story once or twice? And i donwant her to make the wrong choice. This i shall pray for her.

You are my bestfriend and i dowant you to get hurt definitely. Nor do i wanna see you suffer, having to cease away the hurt. But i know you'll make the right choice. You were once in this situation before and you handled it very well. This time round, we all know that your love is much more stronger and harder. If that is the way it is, do the right thing the heart whispers. You very well know that you have our supports and encouragement from all angles. I love you. Atikah loves you too. We both care for you the same way we care for her, your beloved. So we wish and we pray the best for the both of you.

Because we really hope that one day you'll introduce her to us! (:

p/s: okaaaaay. Twitter is the place where i'll be pouring my feelings to. Did i just say that? Lol. -.-

2012-01-04T07:36:00.000-08:00

End of FYP marks the 21st birthday. How great can that be? The best gift ever. Smiles.

How's life as an adult? I mean working adult? Having to imagine the experiences you'll posess, the new environment to adapt in, and most of all, the learning journey that you're gonna take with you for a lifetime, how wonderful. And ouh, not to forget the sum of salary that you're gonna achieve at the end of every month. I cant wait for Aidilfitri to give out the zakats, heh. I can imagine the feeling of giving and seeing the jovial faces of those kids, awww how joyful. Well, of cos after the 3 months attachment (:

Casino Royale is the theme for 2012 prom night, in which it's going to be held on the 20th April. Location to be announed again. It was sad that there wasnt any during my high school year. Well, my group of batch(2007) wasnt that enthu during those semesters, thus it was kind of a punishment? Heh.

Had a heart to heart talk with the lil sis. Extremely cute lah that girl. She talked non-stop about how she wanna maintain her 3 pointer GPA and that, she wants a whole sponser for her bike license(package) as the reward. Gosh. It just means that i have to work extra hard? Lol. Anything for you, dearest! (: As for me, i have to have the car license by the end of 2012, InsyaAllah. That's the year's resolution. The RTT is going to expire soon and for my PDL, omg, need to extend it with $53? -.-

Sometimes life is just full of question marks. It doesnt give you the answer straight. Even if you can actually bear the sorrows, let say if the result isnt what you have expected, still it will leave you hanging without any answer. But again, isnt that what makes life more interesting? The irony of life one might say.

A month more to go........................... actually less than that! Excited to bid this school a BIG goodbye. *Laughters* I'm missing the bubblymeow Kitun already! (:

p/s: Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

2011-12-30T06:25:00.000-08:00

I AM OVER THE MOON, UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH! (:

2011-12-27T10:22:00.000-08:00

As much as i wanna give up, i keep on being persistent. And i donnoe why. Perhaps because i know when we used to be together before, he has been very persistent trying to win my heart while i on the other hand kept on ignoring. If this is a punishment, i'll hold on till whenever he wants me to; I'll obey.

Instead of having that beauftiful sight seeing at the zoo, we ended up watching 'we bought a zoo'. haha. Nice movie. Very nice movie. Sometimes when there is someone who is always there by us, loves us and care for us, we prefer others who never seem to come by our life. But when we finally have lost that person, when we finally couldnt feel that person's love like how it used to before, we will then begin to question everything and start to feel regret. Only then we'll realize that time never wait, that sometimes a diamond can be lost to other's hand if we dont treasure it carefully, no matter how big that person's love is for us once before.

And i know i still do have a chance but this time, ill keep it a little low, with a little kind of an intelligent way.

The parent's 22nd Anniversary today. Congratulations to both sweethearts. Had a feast dinner with the family yesterday at Simpang. How sad that Kitun couldnt tag along. I wish she could hehe. Now, she's sleeping beside me. Aww.

And yes, i'm not yet in school. By 1, i should be at my place. Haha. The girls wanted to have a gym session postponed to tomorrow instead. Gonna head down town tonight for tomorrow's gift thingy.

I'm gonna anticipate everynight at 11pm....untill the day i received a slap across my face through the phone (:

And ouh, the bigbrother has been a very nice companion through the night, entertaining me with his forever lameness. That boy, he will never grow up. Lol. Like i say bigbro, it just happened that i know you that much. HAHA. All the best growing up yaw! hehe :b

Life is a little sweet and sour nowadays, and i like it that way. Alhamdulillah (:

2011-12-25T08:29:00.000-08:00

SMS sent to both. After days, finally im feeling a whole lot better. It's like a feeling of being reborn. After having that awesome talk with the parents, more of a letting out session, somehow it's like breathing a new set of fresh air. How beautiful. At this age, it doesnt really matter, even if that person is someone you've been eyeing for, for so long or someone that is hard to get. If you are meant to be, you will still be together. Let go and if that person were to come back, she/he has always been yours right from the start. That is if when the time is right.

Now, i have a lot more to think of. It will be sad to actually feel all down just because of this little thing. I donwana be like the typical who cant seem to control their emotions or have to feel those unnecessary emotions because of love expectations not met.

Speaking of which, after what i have experienced all this time, for the first time, i felt that 'cinta setelah akad' sounds beautiful. I donno, but i'd love to have that kind of love story one day. Okay, i know this sounds hilarious since i'm that kind who prefer STORIES before relationships, but for once... i feel 'cinta setelah akad' would consist much of a love story in within (:

It is time to gain experiences and improvise the self as to become a better person. InsyaAllah ((:

2011-12-24T22:23:00.001-08:00

A friend and someone you love.

Once before i decided to let go and ignored the man who loved me for the boy i loved, only to know that i actually made a huge mistake. For once, i realized i loved the man i chucked one side whole heartedly. And now, i know i'm willing to go miles to win his heart back. Now, i know my heart is only meant for him, the only one that i truly love.

If because of that strong feeling for the other that caused you to stray away from me, i'm willing to let you go. Because in life, i cant make everyone happy. You advised me that before, remember? If really i need to let go of a friend whom i really care, please pardon me for doing such. I'm not a good friend to you,even. My going will not even make any impact on you, i believe. I wish you the best of everything now later and forever. Never existed - us.

For green is a mixture of different colours compared to red which it's colour is a mixture of different other colours. We can never get along, even as friends. My apologies.

Antara permata dan kaca, seharusnya aku pilih permata. Kekal buat selamanya.

2011-12-24T08:41:00.000-08:00

Everything feels so different and so wrong. I'm beginning to have migraine; such shocking news and my body has been aching like mad even though it has been so long since i did any work out. Be it at home or hitting that gym. Probably gonna start again this coming Tuesday. All out for the week, since the supervisor is on leave for that whole of seven days? Gonna burn those fats in the afternoon! (:

Email sent. Nah, initially thought of creating a book and have it binded but then again, i see no point doing so. Even though i know a reply will never be received but i'm sure, one day everything will change back to normal. And then, i'll have him in my arms back again. Because i know, i dont want anybody else. I'm persistent, as always. And when i love, i'll really love. And when i really love, i'll really give everything all out. And when i know i can give everything all out, that is when i'll stick to one.

He is really such a caring partner, someone who always take concern of my well being, my dignity, and truly respect me as a woman. Throughout our days together, he has been a very well-behaved guy. Gosh, I miss him.

I see you everywhere i go, and that's enough to fill me.

FYP is left with 5 more weeks. January is coming soon. A month more to my 21st. I need to change. For the better, InsyaAllah (:

2011-12-01T02:43:00.000-08:00

I dont know what template should i change to. Heck, it's not the template that i should be worrying about. Honestly i am done with blogging. But through blogging, i see all the experiences ive been through. What i did and what i could have done better to improve. Only that, i need a new place to begin my new journey of life. I'm turning 21 soon in 2 months time. While others are procrastinating of having their aging age, i'm excited to see myself as an adult. I cant live like a child forever. I got to have responsibilities in me. That's how you make good use while living in this world. Imagine your life without any responsibilities, how handicapped would it be.

Life is not just about you and romance, finding someone you can go out with, watching movies, talk till after midnight or to be proud of for having a romantic and beautiful relationship. Neither is life about you with branded clothes, branded things, that you can brag about to anyone. Life is more, more than just that. It's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be hard, very. But how you smile in that difficulties is the Real Happiness. Even if you have to eat plain rice with belacan or chilli sauce with your spouse and if both can be very thankful with it, that's happiness. teehee! :D